An Unexpected Life
by christina2439
Summary: Cal finds Rose amongst the survivors on the Carpathia. Will he be able to help her when she needs it most? Over time Rose is shocked to find how much she comes to depend on Cal's strength and begins to open her heart back up to him when she sees the true Cal behind all the anger and jealousy. *Characters property of James Cameron*
1. Chapter 1

**Rose**

In truth I don't remember much after I was rescued from the ocean. I was too lost in my grief over losing Jack and the events of that horrid night that took so many lives. I vaguely remember seeing the lifeboat I was in pulling alongside the Carpathia and the strong arms that lifted me on board. I was wrapped in a thick blanket but the cold wouldn't relent. I couldn't stop shivering. I knew I should cry and let everything I felt out, but oddly enough I felt too numb to produce even a single tear. I was sitting on a wooden bench with a hot bowl of soup in my hands when he found me. Maybe if I had been more coherent I would have hidden myself from Cal when he came looking through the third class survivors.

When he spotted me I saw something flash in his eyes that I did not recognize or comprehend. He looked different somehow but I was in no shape to try and figure out what was different. He spoke softly to me but I have no recollection of what he said. I didn't fight him when he took me in his arms and held me. I still didn't fight when he led me away to where the first class passengers were gathered. The only time I resisted was when my mother descended on us sobbing. She tried to take me in her arms and I started to feel suffocated and overwhelmed. Her emotions brought me too close to losing what little control I had over my own. If I let go of that control I wasn't sure I could bring myself out of the dark depths of them. I pushed her away shaking my head and quietly mumbling no. She looked startled and maybe a little hurt. I turned away from her. I couldn't deal with her feelings right now, maybe later, maybe never.

The fever started shortly after the encounter with my mother. The ships doctor looked me over and consulted with Cal too quietly for me to hear. Cal carried me to a cabin that had been vacated for us. My mother came in and I allowed her to change me out of my dirty dress and put me in a plain long white night gown someone had donated for the Titanic survivors. She handing me a glass of water and a sedative the doctor had given Cal. I must have been really thirsty, I chugged the water greedily after taking the medicine. I handed my mother back the empty glass. She tried again to hug me but I took a step back, she pursed her lips looking into my eyes before quietly turning and leaving the room. Cal came in and led me to the bed. I let him tuck the covers around me as I turned onto my side with my back facing him. I didn't protest when I felt him softly petting my long hair.

I was so tired and weak but every time I closed my eyes I saw things I didn't want to see. I saw people clinging desperately to the sides of Titanic as it lifted higher and higher into the air. I saw the ship breaking into two pieces as people were thrown to their death from impossible heights and the worst was all the dead bodies floating around me in the dark freezing ocean. Every time I drifted to sleep it was the same images over and over, I would wake up sobbing and panicked. Then strong warm arms would wrap around me, holding hold me tightly. I welcomed the comfort and my hands, shaking uncontrollably, clung to those strong warm arms pulling them tighter as I desperately tried to erase the nightmare from my memory. I remember those arms rocking me slowly and a calm voice whispering soothingly into my ear until the sobs subsided. I might not have felt the same comfort if I had realized my comforter was Cal. My heart wished, even dared to hope, that those arms belonged to Jack. It was easier for me to let myself hope that Jack was my comforter than to let reality take over and face the fact that I would never feel his arms around me again. For his part Cal stayed quietly by my bedside, holding me when the nightmares became too much, giving me the medicine the doctor had prescribed and not forcing me to talk which allowed me to stay in my Jack fantasy.

When we reached New York, Cal had a car waiting to take my mother, he and I to a penthouse his family rented out when they were in the city for business. The first few nights at the penthouse were much the same as they had been on the Carpathia. Cal had a Doctor he trusted come in and examine me. The doctor gave Cal more sedatives for me, telling my mother and Cal to keep me in bed as much as possible saying that sleep was the best thing for me. Maybe if he had my dreams he wouldn't feel the same.

On the third night in the penthouse, my dream started the same as always but halfway through it changed and Jack was there. He was smiling at me as he held out his hand. I happily put my hand in his and let him lead me through a series of doors into a dark cold room. I started to shiver, Jack turned towards me and took me in his arms. I rested my head on his chest and sighed deeply. I wrapped my arms around his waist and held him as tight as I could.

"Rose"

"Hmm?" I wanted to say so much more but it was all I could manage.

"Rose, please, come back to me."

I tensed for a second, but his arms around me were too warm and comfortable, I relaxed again.

"Please Rose, I need you. I'm so sorry. I know I acted inexcusably but please give me a chance. Come back to me."

Confusion clouded my thoughts. Why was Jack apologizing to me? Was he apologizing for not living too? And how could I come back to him? He was gone some place I couldn't follow, he made me promise not to follow. To live my life to its fullest. I pulled away slowly looking up to into his eyes. His face, no longer smiling, had a familiar sickeningly pale white hue. His lips were the same shade of blue they had been on that night. I gasped and my hand went over my mouth as I tried to hold in a gut wrenching sob. Jack disappeared into the dark and I was alone in a completely black room. I covered my eyes with my hands, wishing I could use my nails to claw out the images my eyes had seen. I felt the now familiar arms wrap around me pulling me to the firm warm body of my comforter. My head was still confused and I couldn't tell if I was awake or still in my dream. I wanted to be back in the early parts of my dream when Jack was there smiling and holding me. The sedative the doctor prescribed me didn't help me much either. It kept me drowsy and slightly loopy. Most of the time I couldn't differentiate between my waking moments and the dreams.

I convinced myself I was still dreaming and the arms around me were Jack's. I slid my arms around his waist and clung to him. My head rested on his chest listening to his heart beating steadily. I felt his lips kiss the top of my head and I lifted my face towards his, he hesitated which frustrated me. I reached my hand up to his neck and pulled him towards me, our lips finally meeting. The kiss started slowly but quickly turned into a deep passionate kiss of intense yearning. I should have realized there was something different with his kiss. It was more intense, more possessive in a way. His hands buried themselves in my hair holding my lips firmly to his. My body started feeling warm for the first time in days. The warmth spread from the deepest part of my stomach out to the tips of my fingers and toes.

As the kiss continued I needed, wanted more. I pulled at his shirt trying clumsily to take it off. He seemed to understand my need to touch his skin and he quickly, only breaking our kiss for a millisecond, removed his shirt. His lips met mine again as I ran my hands over his chest, feeling the firmness of his ribs. He was so warm and my fingers tingled as if tiny electric shocks ran through his body into mine as I touched his bare skin. He must have felt the same because I heard him gasp against my lips. I nibbled at his lip causing him to growl. I felt his tongue on my lips and I opened them slightly allowing his tongue to slip between them.

When our tongues met it awakened a passion I was unprepared for. I pulled him to me in a desperate need to be as close as possible. All the sadness and longing for Jack I had felt since I was pulled out of the ocean was fueling my need to have him closer, to consume him, to have him consume me. I tried pulling at my night gown to remove it when his hands grabbed my wrists.

"Please…" I started to beg.

"Rose, I don't think we should do this."

"I need you. I need to feel your skin on mine. Please." Tears started to form and my voice was thick. I swear I saw his beautiful blue eyes looking into mine searching for something before finally I saw the reluctance leave his expression only to be replaced by a passion so fierce I almost backed away.

My gown was ripped off of me and I was underneath him before I had another chance to reconsider. His lips were on mine again and I gave myself over to my passions. His hands explored my body as if he was trying to memorize every inch. He ran one hand down my side to my hip and back up. When he reached my breast and softly cupped it, I shivered and arched my back towards him. His thumb rubbed my hardened nipple causing me to groan against his mouth. His kisses became urgent, moving to my neck, and slowly kissing each of my breasts sucking in each nipple as my breathes became erratic. My fingers buried deep in his hair as I felt the warmth growing in the pits of my being.

He moved his lips back to mine, his hand ran down to my thigh lifting it and placing it around his waist as he slowly slid his hardened self into my wet depths. He was shaking with pent up passion as he tried to be gentle but he was going too slow for me. I arched my hips to take him in deeper and he growled wildly. It was all the encouragement he needed. His thrust were deep and quick. I held on to him, reveling in the passion and electricity I was feeling. My hips moving in rhythm to his as they met him thrust for thrust. My release came quickly and with more intensity than I knew was possible. My body hummed with electricity, my breath ragged as I clung my sweaty body to his. His breath was just as ragged as I felt his release fill me. He collapsed beside me and we lay with our arms and legs intertwined together allowing our breath to calm and our hearts to stop racing. He nuzzled my neck and whispered "I love you" in my ear. I couldn't find my voice so I smiled and nodded.

I felt my body start to relax and the familiar drug induced grogginess started to take over now that my need for Jack had been achieved. He was playing with my hair which helped relax me further. I sighed contentedly. I was quickly losing consciousness drifting back into the black.

"Sleep Rose, it's okay, I will be here when you wake up." He knew I was fighting it, trying to stay there with him.

"I'm scared." I was scared he wouldn't be there again, that this was our final goodbye. He misunderstood.

"I know. The nightmares will stop eventually but I will always be here to hold you. Sleep."

"Thank you." I was mumbling now almost incoherently.

"Rose, I love you, I always have." He kissed my lips softly.

I wanted to say I love you too, that I always would for the rest of my life. But I only managed to get one word out before I was unconscious.

"Jack…"


	2. Chapter 2

**Cal**

When I found Rose on the Carpathia she was sitting on a bench looking so pale and lifeless. She was holding a bowl of soup but not eating it. She stared off into the distance but I didn't think she was seeing anything. I called her name and she turned towards me. She glanced up into my eyes, looking puzzled for a minute before her eyes glazed over again. I anticipated a negative reaction from her after all that had happened between us aboard the Titanic. I had not treated Rose very well to put it mildly. I was jealous and angry and felt that I was justified in how I handled every situation. She was mine and this boy was taking what belonged to me. It was how I was raised, it was how I saw my father treat my mother and myself. It was how I thought a gentleman was supposed to act.

The events of the past evening and early morning had affected me more than I could grasp at that moment. I cringed when I thought of my actions towards Rose. I did love her, I always had loved her and I wanted to make it right. I wanted to show her that I was worth giving a second chance. I wanted the chance to woo her and have her fall in love with me. I expected her to reject me and tell me to go to hell. It was what I deserved and I had started to prepare arguments to use for her objections. I was not, however, ready for the Rose I found. She allowed me to wrap my arms around her and hug her to me. She didn't hug me back but she didn't push me away or flinch.

Her reaction however, didn't fill me with hope or happiness. Frankly, it scared the hell out of me. This was not the fiery passion filled Rose I had come to secretly admire and love. As I hugged her to me I murmured how happy I was that she was there alive and in my arms. I told her I loved her over and over. And then finally I apologized for my actions. Nothing I said got a reaction from her. She shivered constantly in my arms. Reluctantly, I released my arms from around her. Looking down at her face, it still held the same lifeless expression I had seen when I first found her.

I took the bowl of soup from her hands and tried to get her to eat a little but after a few bites she refused anymore. I set the almost full bowl on the bench beside us. I stood with a sigh preparing myself for a fight. I grabbed her hand gently pulling her to her feet. I wrapped my arm around her shoulders and started leading her towards the first class gathering area. I waited for her to refuse to go with me but she never resisted. I kept looking down at her my concern growing with each step.

I saw a glimmer of the old Rose when Ruth, her mother, tried to bring her into an embrace. A fire glowed dimly in her eyes as she pushed her mother away from her and she murmured her first word since I found her. Her voice was quiet but there was still a strength in it. Just as quickly as old Rose appeared, she disappeared back into the lifeless woman that scared me. Ruth looked at me, her eyes sending me silent questions to which I had no answers. I motioned for her to back off and let me take charge with Rose. She started to protest but I simply raised my eyebrows at her and shook my head. She pursed her lips, nodded and with one last glance at Rose made her way back to her deck chair.

Rose let me lead her to an empty bench and we sat in silence for what seemed like days but was really only a half an hour. Her shivering intensified and her skin while it seemed paler her cheeks were becoming flushed. I placed my hand to her forehead. She flinched slightly, I couldn't tell if it was because it was a touch from me or if it was the temperature of my hand. Her head was on fire, the heat was coming off her skin like waves from a fire you are standing too close to. I tried to get her to stand so that I could take her to the ships doctor but the minute she was on her feet she swayed and almost fell onto the deck of the ship. I picked her up and carried her to the doctor's room. After his examination the doctor talked to me quietly about Rose. He didn't feel she was in any serious health danger. He felt she was in shock which was obviously understandable after all she had been through during the sinking of the ship. He was concerned at the depths of the shock and recommended we consult our family doctor as soon as we got back home. He guessed that the fever was a product of the stress and shock. He gave me enough sedatives for the rest of our voyage feeling that keeping Rose calm and allowing her to sleep as much as she wanted was the best thing for her right now.

Rose allowed her mother to help her change clothes but she still wouldn't allow any forms of affection. Ruth came out of the bedroom the ships captain arranged for Rose to stay in while we traveled the rest of the way to New York with a frustrated sigh.

"She took the medicine without argument but she wouldn't hardly look at me and again she wouldn't let me hold her." Ruth crossed her arms over her chest.

"The doctor said she needs time."

"I am her mother! Why are you allowed to hold her and help her but the minute I try she gives me that look?!"

"I can't answer that. Of all people I expected her to reject me the most out of everyone. I can't say I am not grateful she is allowing me to be there. I have a lot to make up for. I am afraid though that once she starts to become more herself you won't be the only one she is pushing away."

I left Ruth in the hall and went into the bedroom where Rose remained standing where her mother had left her. She looked so frail and lost that my heart ached. I helped her into the small bed pulling up the covers around her. She turned away from me and I fought back a sigh. I stroked her hair softly. I never realized how soft her hair was. Rose closed her eyes and slowly her breathing evened out. I sat in a chair beside the bed and rested my head against the wall as I dozed off.

I didn't sleep long when horrific images from the sinking took over my dreams. I woke with a start my body covered in sweat. I ran my hand through my hair trying to calm myself. A whimper beside me forced me out of my own grief. Rose was curled into a ball with tears streaming down her cheeks. Her eyes were still closed and she was mumbling incoherently. I had to assume she was still sleeping and seeing some of the same things I had. Her eyes flew open as deep gut wrenching sobs escaped her lips. I slowly moved to the bed and hesitantly slid my arms around her. She allowed me to pull her close and hold her tightly. She turned over in bed facing me, her whole body shaking so hard I thought she might break a bone. Her hands gripped my arms pulling me closer, with her head buried in my chest as she sobbed. I rocked her back and forth. My mouth was right by her ear and I kept telling her she was safe and I was there for her. She eventually stopped sobbing and slowly stopped shaking.

This scene repeated itself a few more times during our trip and she always seemed to welcome my comfort. She hadn't said anything else since she spoke to Ruth the first day. Once we got to New York I arranged to stay at my families penthouse for a few weeks while Rose recovered. Ruth and I arranged for a doctor we knew and trusted to come and examine Rose. He confirmed she was in a deep state of shock, saying that Rose had seen so much the night of the sinking and her brain was in a state of protection. She was going to eventually have to deal with all the emotions that were being buried deep inside but in the meantime sleep would be the best thing for her.


	3. Chapter 3

Rose still wouldn't have anything to do with her mother but she allowed me to comfort her and feed her. Ruth stayed busy out of the house with friends and social calls while I spent my days and nights at Rose's bedside. In the mornings I would take her for walks around the park across the street from our penthouse building. As the days progressed I began to fear that Rose would never come back to us, that she would never start to deal with all the emotions. She wasn't making any progress and her nightmares, if anything, seemed to be getting worse.

The third night we spent at the penthouse I had been pacing the floor of her bedroom when our nightmare routine began. I heard her sobbing and I went to her side wrapping my arms around her.

"Rose" As usual I tried to wake her hoping to bring her away from the nightmare.

Usually I got no response but tonight my heart leapt as I heard her quiet voice. "Hmm?"

"Rose, please, come back to me." I pleaded with her. I felt her tense and readied myself for Rose to finally wake and realize who was holding her. But she almost instantly relaxed and snuggled deeper into my arms.

"Please Rose, I need you. I'm so sorry. I know I acted inexcusably but please give me a chance. Come back to me."

She pushed away from me and I feared this would be the moment. I waited but when nothing happened I looked down into her face and realized she was still asleep. I watched her face for a while as she slept. When I saw the tears start rolling down her cheeks I wrapped her in my arms again and kissed the top of her head. She responded instantly looking up into my face her eyes staring into mine with such intensity that I started to wonder if it was me she was really seeing.

She hadn't looked at me like that in a long time. The last time had been a few years back when we first met. She was a young teenage girl and I knew she found me handsome because of the blush in her cheeks every time I smiled at her. I was unusually kind that day because I had been threatened by my father to make a good impression on this young girl and her mother. I hadn't been happy about it as I knew the purpose for the meeting. I expected some young giggly flighty girl and what I met was totally different. I was pleasantly surprised to find that she was quiet and definitely not giggly. She was also intelligent and could hold her own in our conversations. We got along well and when her mother announced they had to take their leave I took Rose's hand in mine and kissed it lightly. I looked into her eyes as I stood and I saw the same intensity I was seeing now. It disarmed me completely.

Then she did something that caught me completely off guard. She wrapped her hand around me neck and pulled my lips down to hers. The minute our lips touched I felt so much desire for this woman. I knew I needed to be careful with her, especially now, so I tried to keep the kiss slow and tender. Rose had other plans though and the passion and desire built until my whole body was on fire. I felt her fumbling with my shirt, she frowned slightly when I broke the contact with her lips and I had to hide a chuckle as I slipped my shirt off. I immediately reclaimed her lips and allowed her to explore my exposed skin with her fingers. I had never felt the same electric shocks from a woman's touch as I felt when Rose touched me. When she opened her lips and allowed me to slide my tongue into her mouth and massage her tongue I thought I would lose my mind.

I held her to me desperate to stay like this for as long as she would let me. It wasn't long before I realized she was trying to remove her night gown and I knew I needed to stop this. I couldn't take advantage of her like this. She would be angry and regretful later. Her anger would be directed toward me. It would be one more thing for her to hold against me and I didn't need to add to her already long list of grievances with me. I grabbed her wrists trying to stop her from removing any clothing from her body.

I was winning the war over my deep desire when I heard her sweet beautiful voice "Please…"

"Rose, I don't think we should do this." I tried so hard to be strong.

"I need you. I need to feel your skin on mine. Please." And then she looked up into my eyes with her intensity. I searched her eyes but I saw nothing but passion, desire and complete sincerity. It was then that I lost the battle, ripping her gown over her head, and removing the rest of my own clothing before rolling us over so that I was on top of her. Kissing her, running my hands over her body, when my hand found her breasts I nearly lost all control. I could tell she was impatient for me to take her. I wrapped her leg around my waist and slowly carefully slid myself into her. I wasn't sure if she was a virgin and I didn't want to cause any pain so I tried to be slow and gentle.

I had never felt like this with any woman I had been with before. They had been pleasurable experiences of course but there had never been any deep feelings attached to any of them. Never before had I felt such electricity, never had I lost control and been completely consumed by such intense passion before. As Rose reached her climax she clung to me and her sharp ragged breathes sent me over the edge as I felt my climax release inside her. We lay quietly in each others arms for a while. I watched her face and could tell she was fighting sleep. I knew why, but I also knew she needed her rest. I kissed her neck softly.

"I love you" I whispered into her ear, I tensed waiting for her reaction but she rewarded me with a slight nod and a smile.

"Sleep Rose, it's okay, I will be here when you wake up." I tried to soothe her.

When she responded her voice was quiet and heartbreaking "I'm scared."

"I know. The nightmares will stop eventually but I will always be here to hold you. Sleep." Her eyes were almost completely closed and her breathing was deep and heavy.

The next words out of her mouth made me smile. "Thank you."

I kissed her lips softly. "Rose, I love you, I always have."

She was asleep now, her face completely relaxed. I covered her naked body with the blankets and watched her sleep for a minute. I smiled peacefully and in that moment I couldn't have been happier. However, the next word out of her mouth would be like a bucket of ice water in my face.

"Jack…"


	4. Chapter 4

I jumped out of bed and threw on my clothes fighting the rising anger and jealousy. It was an emotion I knew well and always had a hard time controlling. I wanted to destroy everything in the room. I wanted to yank Rose out of the bed and shake her until she saw me, really truly saw me and realized we had just made love. Then I wanted to leave and let her fend for herself. She could comfort herself! Why should I be the one holding her every night making her feel safe when it was really Jack she wanted. I started pacing my anger reaching new heights. It wasn't just anger I was feeling, I was hurt deeply. I had just made love to the woman I loved. It had been the best night of my existence until she called HIS name. My pain turned into more anger. I had almost resolved to leave and go back to Philadelphia as my father had been requesting I do since we arrived in New York. He needed me to take care of some urgent business for the company but I kept putting him off feeling I needed to stay for Rose. She needed me, or so I had convinced myself.

I started for the door when her screams pierced the air. Rose was thrashing in the bed sobbing and screaming. I rushed to her side, my anger forgotten for the moment, trying to hold her to me but she kept pushing against me. I knew her screams would wake up her mother and servants so I quickly tried to get her gown back on. It wasn't easy with her arms flailing but I managed to get the gown on her just as her mother burst through the door. Nothing we did seemed to help so Ruth and I sat at the end of the bed helplessly. I had just decided to go call the doctor when Rose finally woke up.

"Mother." Her tone was sharp and not exactly friendly.

"Rose, are you okay? What can I do? Do you need some water?"

"You can leave me alone. I am fine. I don't need… I don't want your help."

Ruth stormed out of the room slamming the door behind her. Rose jumped at the sound. Then she looked up at me for a minute. I quietly sat staring back into her eyes. I watched the many emotions played out in her eyes. I held my breath waiting to see which emotion would win out. She seemed to be trying hard to piece something together. This was the first time in days I had seen hints of Old Rose. She was finally starting to come out of the numbness her brain had wrapped protectively around her.

"You are my comforter." She looked at me warily.

I simply nodded in confirmation, she wasn't really asking me, she already knew it had been me and not her precious Jack.

"Why?" She asked almost angrily and with a lot of mistrust.

I wasn't sure how best to answer but eventually decided the truth was the best way. "Because whether you want to believe it or not I love you."

She snorted at me and I began to see even more of the old fiery Rose in her eyes and I didn't know whether to feel scared or happy. She kept staring at me.

"Thank you…" She put her head in her hands.

This wasn't the reaction I was expecting. "You don't need to thank me. I have a lot to make up for and that night was… Well, I think it changed us all. I haven't really slept in days. When I close my eyes I see things and its like I'm on the ship all over again."

Rose nodded in agreement and tears slip down her face. I wanted to go to her and hold her but I wasn't sure she wanted that right now so I stayed in my spot feeling helpless.

"You tried to kill me that night." Her eyes still filled with tears looked at me accusingly. Angrily.

"Not you."

"You wanted to kill… him. But you could have easily shot me in the process."

"It wasn't one of my finer moments Rose. I will not justify my actions that night but I would like to explain. I was jealous and hurt. I don't know how to deal with feeling hurt. I was taught from a young age to not allow myself to be that weak. My father despises weak people and when I dared show that side of me there were repercussions. So hurt turns into anger and I don't control that very well as I am sure you are well aware of."

"Jealous and hurt? I don't understand how you could be either of those. I can understand you feeling anger. Anger that something you felt you owned was being taken from you, maybe. Anger at losing control, absolutely. "

I looked at her for a moment. How could she not understand. "Some part of me has loved you since we first met. When you were older and our engagement was announced I was even more in love with you. Then you seemed to prefer some… his company over mine. You ran off with him and then when you jumped out of the life boat and ran to him, I was so blinded by all my anger, jealousy and pain that I reacted.. badly."

"You're in love with me? I find that hard to believe. You treat me like I am something you own. You don't listen to anything I say or even give what I say any value. I wish…"

She stopped before finishing her sentence and looked down at her hands as more tears started falling from her eyes.

"What do you wish?" I asked but I thought I already knew and I didn't really want to hear her say it out loud. But I couldn't stop myself from asking the question.

She shook her head. And I felt relieved she was refusing to finish her sentence.

"I wish I could make everything better. I wish I could take away your pain. But most of all I wish I could change how I acted and we could start over."

"You cant take away any of it Cal! You cant change how you acted and you cant change how you hurt me."

"I know, but couldn't we start again?"

"Cal seriously, how can you ask that? Especially now! When I close my eyes I'm in a nightmare. I see all those dead people floating around me. HE died, saving me! The one person who let me be who I am. He listened to me and allowed me to dream. We had plans for the future and now he is gone! You made sure of that!"

The fire in her eyes was burning bright and I felt my own fire building.

"You are MY fiancé. You knew him a couple of days and you were planning to run off with him? You are MINE Rose!" My anger from earlier was back in full force and as usual I couldn't stop the words from coming out even though I knew they were coming out all wrong and would only anger her even more.

"You are still the same. Speaking of me as if you own me. You don't love me Cal you aren't capable of love. You know what I wish? I wish it had been you that died and he was here with me not you!"

She couldn't have done more damage to me if she had stabbed me straight in the heart with a sharp knife. My hands shook and I fought to keep from grabbing her and shaking her. Again, I turned all my pain into anger, not wanting to let her see how her words affected me, how they killed a piece of me, ripping my heart into pieces.

"I am very capable of love Rose. And one day you will realize that but by then maybe it will be too late! And as for your wish well I cant make that come true for you but since you seem so upset by my presence I shall leave you to your nightmares."

I stalked out of her room and made my way to my room. I took a shower, packed what little I had in a small valise and finally wrote a quick note to Ruth.

 _Ruth,_

 _I have to head back to Philadelphia at my father's request. There are some urgent business matters I need to attend to. You are welcome to stay here as long as you need. If you have a need for anything let one of the servants know and they will take care of it._

 _Caledon_

I started to write something to Rose but felt my anger rise up again so I abandoned the idea. I grabbed my valise and headed out after giving the note to the housemaid to give to Ruth when she was served breakfast. I walked out onto the dark street and got into a car that was waiting to take me to the train station unaware of the panicked eyes watching me from the bedroom window above.


	5. Chapter 5

**Rose**

The minute Cal had walked out of the room I started to feel overwhelmed with a sense of panic. I didn't understand why I felt that way. This was Cal, the same egotistical, possessive cruel man I had been engaged to, who had thrown huge tantrums when he didn't get his way, or when he couldn't control my actions. Who treated me as nothing more than a possession only paying attention to me when it suited him. I should feel relieved but I didn't, I wanted him to come back. It felt safer with him in the room somehow. Now it was too dark, quiet and lonely. I almost ran to find him and bring him back but I stopped myself, remembering the slap after he falsely accused Jack of stealing the necklace.

I sat on the bed with my knees curled up to my chest. Memories of my short time with Jack flooding back. He had made me feel alive, valued, free. With Jack the world had been filled with so many possibilities. I could go anywhere, be anything, and that was fascinating but also a little scary. I had been ready to give up my old life, to go with him wherever our dreams took us. Neither of us had any idea how we would support ourselves but that had been part of the adventure.

Cal would never have understood that, we had both been raised with the many privileges money provided. Yes, I enjoyed some of the privileges but they could also be suffocating. The expectations placed on me from a very young age were like chains holding me back from being who I really was. I was fourteen when I first met Cal at his families home in Philadelphia. Mother and father saw the young handsome Caledon Hockley as a suitable match for their only child. I was dressed in a brand new dress and my long red hair done in a neat half up do. Mother lectured me the whole journey from our house to the Hockley's, warning me to be on my best behavior and for goodness sake remember to act like the well brought up lady I was.

Unwilling to face my mother's wrath I put on my best show for Cal's parents. Then when I was introduced to Cal I had been in awe. He was so tall and handsome, his smile was blindingly beautiful. We were left alone in the library with a couple of servants chaperoning us as our parents took tea in the garden. At first we sat in awkward silence but then Cal started asking questions about my hobbies, if I liked to read, what my favorite books were. The conversation flowed easily after that and I found myself becoming smitten with him. Embarrassingly I would blush uncontrollably when he smiled at me. I wasn't sure if he noticed or not but he was too polite to say anything if he did.

I was genuinely sad when mother announced it was time for us to leave. Cal took my hand bending down he lightly kissed the back of it. My heart beat wildly as I looked into his eyes. He smiled softly back at me and mother ushered me out the door. I dreamt of nothing but Cal and his smile for months afterwards. Mother seemed quite pleased that I was so agreeable to the match. We had many more chaperoned visits before I turned seventeen and our engagement could finally be officially announced. I had started to notice a change in Cal in the last year leading up to our engagement. He smiled less and seemed to be too busy with his families business to spend much more than a few minutes with me and even then he wasn't really aware of me or anything I said. By the time he proposed and mother proudly paraded me around Philadelphia showing off the ring, the boy I had fantasized about was gone and in his place was a cold and distant man that I didn't think I could bare to be tied to for the rest of my life.

I saw a glimpse of the old Cal when my father suddenly died. He stayed by my side during the funeral and held my hand. After the funeral he called on me a couple of times and allowed me to sit next to him with my head on his shoulder as I cried or talked about how much I missed my father. He would sit quietly listening to whatever I wanted to talk about and it made me feel safe. A couple of times he would put his arm around my shoulders and softly kiss the top of my head.

I jolted out of my Cal memory. He would always kiss the top of my head as he comforted me. Something about that, something that was pushing at the back of my brain. I sat for a minute before everything came flooding to the forefront. I thought I would be sick and I had to sit very still on the bed willing the panic and nausea to cease. It had been him, not Jack, I had made love with just an hour or so before. It had been his arms I clung to, it had been him that had awakened the intense passion deep inside my soul. He had been the one professing his love to me as we clung to each other afterwards. How could I have let myself believe it had been Jack? How had I allowed it to happen in the first place? I sat in stunned silence until I heard Cal making his way down the stairs and I heard the door shut loudly behind him.

I ran to the window of my room and watched him get into the car. Seeing him leave filled me with an array of emotions. Part of me was glad he had left, glad the cruel man I had come to know was going to be far away from me. The other part of me was panicked that he was no longer there to comfort me when the dreams overwhelmed me. No matter what I felt for Cal he had been my safe place since that horrible night. I had come to depend on his comforting embrace. He had experienced the same tragic event as I had and he understood what I was going through. He was having the dreams himself but yet he always stayed with me and made sure I was ok. I never returned the favor, instead I repaid him by telling him I wished he was the one who had died. I sat down on the bed and put my head in my hands feeling ashamed and upset with myself.

I remembered seeing him for the first time after we were rescued and even though I was consumed with my own feelings I had noticed something had changed in him, the look in his eye was different than how he usually looked at me. The pieces were slipping together inside my head. The look in his eye was the same look he had given me when my father died it was how Cal used to look at me before he started changing. And he was different, the way he had approached me was cautious and gentle, not his usual aggressive and possessive manner. Was he truly changed by everything that happened?

I crawled back under the covers and laid there for a while going over everything in my head. The Titanic, Jack, Cal. I wasn't sure how long I lay there thinking before I fell asleep, but I eventually woke up cold, sobbing and alone. No safe warm arms were there to wrap around me protectively. I curled myself into a ball hiding under the covers and cried harder.

This was how mother found me. She hesitantly sat beside me on the bed and tried to soothe me. I didn't push her away this time, but it wasn't the same. I didn't feel any comfort, I felt even more alone. She showed me the note Cal had left. I read it and nodded. I could tell my crying worried her, I tried to make it stop but it just kept on eventually she left the room returning with a glass of water and a sedative pill. I took the pill without argument. As I lay in the bed waiting for the pill to send me off into a wave of numbness mother brushed my hair softly. It was soothing, finally the crying stopped and I drifted off on my cloud.


	6. Chapter 6

**Ruth**

Finding Rose curled into herself crying uncontrollably scared me. She had only ever allowed Cal to help her and now he had gone. I wasn't sure how to approach my daughter. I tried to comfort her, I wasn't exactly sure how, Her father and Cal had always been the best at knowing just the right thing to say or do to calm Rose when she was this upset. If it hadn't been for Cal coming to visit after Rose's father had died I don't know what I would have done. This time thankfully, she didn't push me away, but she didn't seem to acknowledge my presence either. I showed her the note Cal had left, she took it, read it and nodded. It only seemed to make her melancholy worse.

I had the maid bring me a glass of water and I got one of the pills the doctor had left. Rose sat up in bed long enough to take the pill. She laid back down on her side and I grabbed her brush off the dresser and started brushing out her long wavy hair. Her body relaxed and eventually her breathing slowed. I put the brush back on the dresser and sat watching her sleep for a while. She stayed relatively still and I hoped she was finally having a peaceful sleep. The dark circles under her eyes were growing darker. All she had been doing the past several days was sleep and cry but I knew from Cal that her sleep was not providing her with any semblance of rest.

"Jack, please, where are we going?"

I jumped at the sound of her voice. She hadn't talked to me in so long I had almost forgotten the beautiful tone of it. I sat quietly listening to see if she would say more.

"Please hold onto my hand! Don't let go!" Rose whimpered "Jack please! wake up! Jack there's a boat! Jack!"

I didn't like that she was talking about HIM in her sleep. The gutter rat. I wondered what had happened after she ran away from our lifeboat. How had she managed to be rescued? What had she seen? I shuddered remembering that night. Rose remained quiet and still for so long that I decided I could go dress for the day. Just as I stood to go I heard her sigh and so softly, almost too softly for anyone to hear she whispered:

" _Cal, stay my Cal…_ "

I smiled as I left the room.

We stayed in New York two more days before I decided Rose and I could head back to Philadelphia. I sat with her at night as she sleep. She talked a lot in her sleep, frustratingly she talked to and about Jack too much for my liking. However, I was happy that Cal was also mentioned and his name was starting to become more frequently mentioned. I sent a telegram to Cal letting him know Rose and I were heading back to Philadelphia the next morning.

 **Cal**

As soon as I got back my father expected me to get right back to work as if nothing tragic had happened. It wasn't surprising to me and I played my part. I needed the distraction from the memories and from Rose. During the day I showed no emotion. I threw myself into whatever task was given to me. At night, when I was in bed, alone in the dark, I couldn't turn it off. Now that I didn't have the distraction of Rose's well being, my own memories threatened to overwhelm me. I didn't sleep much because just like Rose, I saw things I didn't want to. And then of course there was the memory of the last conversation Rose and I had had before I left the penthouse.

My heart ripped over and over each time I remembered her wishing I had been the one that had died. Not to mention her calling out HIS name after we had made love. What was I supposed do with all of that? Even though hurt and anger coursed through my veins I still missed her. I missed being the one to calm her during a nightmare. I wondered if she was any better or if she was worse. The thought that my leaving might have made her condition worse bothered me more than it should. Ruth was there I told myself, not that Rose showed any signs of letting her mother help up to that point. I almost sent a telegram to Ruth asking how Rose was but decided against it. Male pride was strong in the Hockley family.

When I received Ruth's telegram letting me know she and Rose were coming home the next day my heart skipped a beat. I would see Rose soon. Would she want to see me? That question brought me back down. I was more impatient that usual with the employees. Even my father who was known for his impatience and toughness raised an eyebrow in my direction a few times. I didn't sleep much that night, tossing and turning before falling into a restless sleep in the wee hours of the morning.

I arrived at the train station a few minutes early and tried to calm myself. I didn't know what kind of reception Rose would give me and I wasn't sure how I should act towards her. I was still angry and hurt by her words. However, I had been able to think a lot about what role I had played in her attitude towards me and I realized my actions were a huge contributing factor. I had to take a large portion, if not all, of the blame for how Rose felt about me. I tried my best to prepare myself for whatever reaction I received.

I watched their train slowly come to a stop. As the passengers started to exit the train I noticed some of them looked back towards the car apprehensively. The more I noticed it the more I began to worry. I watched anxiously for Ruth and Rose. The minute I saw Ruth, I knew something was wrong. She looked around the train station until she met my eyes. Her face was wrinkled with worry and embarrassment. I rushed towards her as she pulled a pale and trembling Rose down the steps of the train.

"She fell asleep on the train and this was the worst one I have seen. I had to explain everything to the others so they wouldn't think she was a lunatic."

I frowned at Ruth who seemed less concerned about her daughter and more concerned about being embarrassed in front of others. Rose looked up at me and I recognized the scared pain filled expression. Without another thought I was at her side wrapping my arms around her and pulling her against my chest. She clung to me weakly. I kissed the top of her head.

"You are safe now Rose. I am here and I wont let anything happen to you." I murmured loud enough for her to hear but soft enough that none of the other passengers could.

Rose let out a long sigh that sounded like a sigh of relief before nodding against my chest. When she had calmed enough to walk I led her and Ruth to my car. Rose sat in the back while Ruth sat in front with me.

"Honestly, I think she may be better off if she stays with you. I can't calm her the way you do. And she seems much better when you are around."

I was taken aback by Ruth's suggestion. I didn't think it proper for Rose to stay with me alone in my house. Even with a house full of staff it would cause talk.

"I agree she seems to accept my comfort but I don't think it proper for her to stay with me. Not while we are only engaged."

"Well that can be solved fairly quickly. Marry her now. She wont let me help her and frankly I have no idea how to help her even if she would let me."

Marry Rose? I would love to marry her right this second but I doubt Rose would agree to that. And I would not force her into it. Neither of us would be happy in the end.

"I cannot just force marriage on her. We both know what happened with… Him… I doubt she would agree to willingly marry me now."

I watched Ruth out of the side of my eye. She pursed her lips and stayed quiet for a while. After a quick glance to the backseat where her daughter laid in the seat with her eyes closed, Ruth spoke again.

"She calls out for you in her sleep."

I nearly wrecked the car when I whipped my head around to look at Ruth. She looked at me without flinching.

"Yes, she still calls for him. But your name is becoming more frequent and I think with a little more time she may not be as unwilling to marry you as you think."

I didn't know what to think about this news. Could I dare to hope that I could have my Rose after all?

"I think if she stayed with you it may speed up the process. And I honestly think it is the best for her right now. She needs you and I cannot handle her. She wont let me."

"What about her reputation?"

"At this point Im not really that concerned. Your engagement was already announced months ago. It's not as if you two just met and suddenly moved in together. And frankly, I am much more worried about her health than a little stain on her reputation."

I nodded finally. I dropped Ruth off at her house. She told Rose she would have the staff pack up Rose's belongings and then brought over to my house later that afternoon. Rose nodded silently. I pulled away from Ruth's house and started the short drive home.

"Cal?"

"Hmm?"

"I need to apologize to you. I was cruel to you the last time I saw you and I said something I shouldn't have."

"It's how you feel and I have to accept a large portion of the blame for causing you to feel badly towards me."

"But I shouldn't have said it regardless. I am sorry, truly sorry."

I pulled into the driveway of my house and stopped the car. This gave me time to calm my emotions before I looked into her eyes. When I did I saw the sincerity of her apology. I smiled tentatively.

"Alright, I accept your apology."

She breathed a sigh of relief and let me lead her into my house. She had been to my house only a handful of times. Most of the time when we visited each other it was at my parents house or hers.

"Are you hungry?"

"A little."

I brought her to the library and left her briefly to ask the maid to bring in a couple of sandwiches and lemonade to the library. Rose ate half her sandwich and drank all the lemonade. I watched her as she walked around the library exploring my collection of books. She seemed better than the last time I had seen her. More Rose like, more aware and alive. She turned toward me and I could tell she wanted to say something but she seemed to be struggling. I sat quietly waiting.

"Cal about that night. The night I said that I wished… the night you left."

I stayed quiet not sure what she was trying to say. I nodded for her to go on.

"I remember."

I thought I knew what she was talking about but I decided to let her tell me. "Remember?"

"I remember what happened between us. Before we fought. We…" She was blushing and trying to avoid my eyes.

"Rose it's okay. I am sure you regret it. I can accept that, we got caught up in the emotions and I hope you wont hold it against me forever."

She looked up at me with a puzzled expression I couldn't interpret.

"Cal, It… I…" She paused for a moment trying to come up with the right way to let me down easy I assumed. "Cal, honestly, I don't regret it. I am just as shocked to feel that way as you seem to be to hear it. I wasn't exactly myself that night but I remember how I felt while we were… well you know. That isn't to say I want us to repeat it. I am too confused and mixed up to know how I feel about you, about me, about everything. But for whatever reason you make me feel safe. You understand what I am going through because I think you must be going through the same thing."

I felt the first ray of hope start to build inside. She didn't regret making love with me. She wasn't sure how she felt about us yet but she wasn't running away screaming and that was a start.

"I was worried about you after I left and had hoped your dreams wouldn't get worse. And yes I understand what you are going through. Since I have been back home I try not to sleep much, if I don't sleep I don't see the images."

She nodded in understanding and I could tell by the dark circles under her eyes that matched mine that sleep was as much her enemy as it was mine.


	7. Chapter 7

When her mother's staff arrived with Rose's stuff I showed her to the room that she would be using. My maids helped unpack her stuff and get her settled into the room. That night I snuck into her room and sat by her bedside. She was sleeping more peacefully than before but it didn't take long for the talking to begin. I smiled every time I heard my name. Ruth was telling the truth. I could tell when the dreams changed to the familiar nightmare. I slid silently into bed beside her and wrapped my arms around her. She relaxed in my arms and I softly kissed her temple. She sighed softly and I swore I heard my name in the sigh but I shook my head and decided I had made it up. I fell asleep with her in my arms.

"Shhh Cal, It's okay, shhhh"

I jerked awake and sat up in the bed. It took me a minute to realize where I was and calm down the panic. I laid back down on the pillow beside Rose. I put my hand over my eyes rubbing them hard. I felt Rose softly running her fingers through my hair. It felt nice.

"It's okay Cal, I am here and we are safe." She hugged me tightly and rested her head on my shoulder.

I wrapped my arms around her and held her tightly. This was how we spent every night over the next month. Slowly the dreams started to become fewer and farther between. There were even some nights we fell asleep side by side and didn't wake until the sun started to peak over the horizon. We had tried spending a couple of nights apart but the dreams would hit one or both of us with such intensity we ended up in mine or Rose's bed together so we decided to not spend the night apart anymore.

 **Rose**

I hadn't taken a sedative since arriving in Philadelphia. I needed to be able to think clearly and work through everything. The past month had been difficult but Cal and I had fallen into a comfortable routine and even formed a friendship that helped me survive the roughest parts. During the day I was alone while Cal was at work. I spent a lot of time in the library reading or walking in the garden. I ate most of my meals alone, sometimes mother would come and we would eat together, mostly in silence. Cal worked long hours and most nights I was already in bed when he got home. He would slip quietly into my room, carefully crawling into the bed beside me and my body would relax enough for me to drift to sleep.

I wasn't sure how I felt about Cal. He was different from the man on Titanic but I wasn't sure I could trust that he had been completely changed. What if he slipped back into that cruel man when the shock of the tragedy wore off? He wasn't the only one that had been changed. Jack had awakened something in me that had changed how I saw myself. He had allowed me to dream about the future and things I wanted to do for myself. I was no longer the high society girl willing to accept the role I was expected to play. How would Cal feel about that? That night when he slipped into bed beside me I decided to find out.

"Cal?"

"Im sorry I woke you. I tried to be quiet."

I smiled at him. "I never fall asleep until you are here."

He nodded and brushed a piece of my hair off my forehead.

"Cal, can I ask you something?"

"Anything."

"If I told you I wanted to go horse back, not riding side saddle or that I wanted to ride roller coasters til I was sick. That I wanted to travel around with no real plan, no maids and just going wherever I decided sounded interesting that day. What would you say?"

Cal thought quietly for a moment and then smiled at me.

"I would ask if I was invited to come along because that sounds like fun, well except the roller coaster thing. I am not a big fan of heights."

I hadn't anticipated that reaction. I kept fearing the cruel man would come back and forbid any such activities. I had the sudden urge to grab this Cal and hug him and kiss him. The overwhelming urge to be close to him shocked me. I decided to experiment. I needed to see if the electricity I remembered from our night in New York was real or something that I had felt because I initially believed I was with Jack.

"Hold still, I want to try something."

"Ok" He looked at me curiously but laid perfectly still watching me.

I slid closer to him and shyly brought my lips to his. The electricity was immediate. I quickly lost myself in the kiss, I vaguely remember him pulling me closer and burying his fingers in my hair massaging the back of my head holding my lips to his. Much too soon he pulled away, both of us panting and looking slightly starry eyed. It had been Cal my body had reacted so strongly to that night just over a month ago. While my head or maybe it was my heart made me believe I was feeling it all for Jack, it had been Cal. I looked at him, trying to understand the jumble of feelings swirling around inside me. On one hand there was the Cal I had come to hate. The one who wanted to control my every action and saw me as a possession instead of a human being that had her own opinions. On the other hand there was the Cal I had come to depend on. The way Cal had been when we first met. The one who listened to me when I talked, who held me and let me cry.

It was all so confusing. I sighed in frustration. Cal smiled knowingly at me. I laid back on my pillow and snuggled under the covers letting sleep take control. I hadn't had one of the bad dreams in over a week so when it started I was caught off guard. The dream had changed slightly, the parts where Jack played a prominent roll were switched and it was Cal. Cal holding my hand as we rode on the back of the Titanic into the water. When I lay on the large piece of wood in the middle of the ocean it was Cal's eyes I looked in to. Who made me promise not to give up. It was Cal's pale lifeless face and blue lips I saw when I tried to wake him up. I woke up sobbing Cal's name and then he was there holding me to him. I clung to him desperately. It was then that a huge wave of nausea hit me. I pushed away from him and ran to the bathroom. I barely made it before my stomach heaved and emptied its contents. Cal knelt beside me rubbing my back and pulling my hair away from my face. Tears ran down my face as the nausea kept coming in waves.

When my stomach seemed to settle I sat on the bathroom floor and leaned into Cal, my back against his chest and my head nestled against his neck. I had almost fallen asleep when I felt Cal pull me up with him and then he picked me up carrying me back to my bedroom. He gingerly laid me on the bed and pulled the covers over me. He started to leave the room but I managed to grab his hand and tried to pull him to me.

"I will be right back, I promise."

I sighed. I thought I heard him chuckle but then he was gone. I rolled onto my side and curled into a ball. It seemed to help settle my stomach. Cal kept his promise returning quickly and handing me a glass of water. He helped me sit up and I sipped the water. I drank half of it before handing it back to him and laying my head on my pillow. I felt him crawl into bed behind me and then he pulled me to him.

"Do you want to talk about the dream?"

"I… It was you."

He waited for me to continue.

"You were with me when I was on the back of the ship watching it slide into the water. It was you not Jack that held my hand, it was you who died as we floated in the water waiting to be rescued." And then I was crying again.

He held me close, kissing the top of my head.

"I am here now Rose. I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I love you."

His words and touch as always helped sooth me and the tears slowed. The nausea hit me over and over but I was able to keep from having to run to the bathroom. I finally fell back asleep and didn't wake up when Cal got up and left for work. It was around noon when a knock at my door woke me. A maid came in with a tray of food. She placed it on the bed beside me and quietly left me to eat. I took one bite and had to run for the bathroom again. I didn't have much left in my stomach after last night so thankfully this round didn't last as long. I tried to eat a little more but my stomach heaved dangerously so I pushed the tray away and sipped at the glass of water instead.

I felt better at dinner and was able to eat everything on my plate. By the time I went up for bed I was beyond exhausted and couldn't keep myself awake until Cal got home. I must have been restless because I woke up with Cal holding me and singing softly in my ear.

"Cal."

"I'm here now, you can sleep." He kissed my forehead.

I tilted my head up and kissed his cheek softly before settling my head against his chest and closing my eyes. A few hours later I jerked awake, throwing the covers off and ran for the bathroom. Again Cal was right by my side. He felt my forehead and looked at me with concern.

"I am calling the doctor in the morning."

I nodded as I succumbed to another wave of nausea. Afterwards he helped me back into bed and brought me a glass of water.


	8. Chapter 8

Cal stayed home that morning and the doctor arrived just after breakfast which I couldn't eat. Cal stayed in the library as the doctor examined me. He asked a few questions about the nausea, my appetite and my monthly woman time. After the examine I followed the doctor to the library.

"Is Rose okay? What can I do? Do we need to see a specialist?"

I sat down, my stomach was threatening to heave.

"Rose is just fine Mr Hockley. She is with child, from my calculations she is about a month along."

It was a good thing I was already sitting down or I would have hurt myself when I passed out. I came too with Cal at my side looking down at me his eyes filled with concern. The doctor patted my hand and smiled. Cal walked him out and I sat in stunned silence. A month along, it had been just over a month since the Titanic sank and I had been with Jack. Could this be Jack's baby, his gift to me? Leaving me with a piece of him after he was gone. Then my thoughts went to the night I had spent with Cal thinking he was Jack. The baby could also be Cal's. I wasn't sure which one I was hoping for. I was lost so deep in my own thoughts I didn't feel Cal sit down beside me.

"Rose we are having a baby!" He smiled tenderly at me.

"Cal…"

"I know it's not exactly the best timing. How it happened was not exactly something our society would call appropriate. But I do love you and want to marry you."

"Cal I have to tell you something that may change how you feel about wanting to marry me." Truthfully I wasn't sure I wanted to marry him. I wasn't revolted by the idea. Somewhere in the back of my brain I thought I might actually like being married to this Cal. But I was scared that the moment I told him this next thing this Cal would be gone and cruel Cal would take his place.

His eyes grew wary as he watched me try to carefully tell him what needed to be said.

"The night that the Titanic sank. The night you found the drawing of me in your safe." I dared to look into his eyes. He remained silent but I could tell he was fighting his anger. I sighed and looked down at my hands not wanting to see the moment he switched over to the man I hated.

"Jack and I were together that night. I gave myself to him." I sat staring at my hands waiting on Cal's explosion. I didn't have to wait for long.

"You let him touch you, make love to you, while you were engaged to me?!"

I nodded and finally looked up into his face. I would have laughed at what I saw if the situation hadn't been so serious. He was fighting a war within himself, trying to control the anger and jealousy and his face was changing so rapidly it looked almost cartoonish.

"So this baby is his?"

"I don't know. It could also be yours."

"I can imagine what you are hoping for. Probably praying it is HIS, a piece of him to hold forever. And probably praying it isn't mine so that you aren't forced to be tied to me forever!"

He started to get up but I grabbed his arm, looking at him willing him to believe what I was about to say. He refused to look at me.

"Cal, I don't know what I want. I care for you, the man you are now. The man on the Titanic was a man I despised, he was cruel but the man I have come to know this past month is nothing but kind and caring. Yes, I did.. do have feelings for Jack but I have feelings for you too. Truthfully the thought of having a piece of Jack with me in the form of our child that we created on that cursed night is something I have wished for ever since I was pulled from the water. But if I am being perfectly honest my heart is also wishing that this baby is yours."

I stood, walking closer to him wanting to wrap my arms around him but he stepped away from me. His face still a mix of different emotions.

"So what do you propose we do now? If you are with child out of wedlock there will be talk. The child even if it turns out to be mine will not be accepted within our society. I know you don't care much for all of that but think about what this will mean for the child. If it is mine I don't want it to face that kind of discrimination."

"What if the child isn't yours? Then what will you feel?"

"I don't know Rose. I think we should be married and deal with the rest later."

I knew he was right about it all. But I wasn't sure I could go through with it even for the sake of the baby. I couldn't think and at that moment my stomach choose to heave and I had to push him out of the way to make it to the bathroom. He didn't follow this time and that hurt more than I wanted to admit. We didn't have a chance to talk the next few days. In the morning he was gone when before I woke and I was asleep before he got home.

The loneliness was pressing down on me. Even when Cal was home with me he kept a distance between us. I had tried a couple of times to reach out to him but he would walk away. I became withdrawn like I had been just after the sinking. I took long walks in the garden, sitting amongst the shrubs that kept me hidden from view of the house. I stared out into space, never really seeing anything too lost in thought, trying to work out my feelings. How would Jack feel about all of this? Would he think me a coward for staying here with Cal? Did marrying Cal mean I had to give up myself again and conform to societies idea of a good wife? And if this baby turned out to be Jack's, could Cal accept it as his own and not hold a grudge against it. Images of a sweet blue eyed blonde baby swarm around in my head but there was also an image of a sweet dark haired baby with his father's beautiful smile.

One night after a particularly lonely day I woke up with Cal's arms around me. The dream rushing back to me and I covered my eyes with my hands as the warm tears slipped down my cheeks. He silently held me as I cried. Something inside me broke and the tears became uncontrollable sobs. He pulled me tighter and kissed the top of my head. My tears weren't all for the dream. I was about to give up a piece of myself and finally let go of Jack.

"Cal"

"Shh it's okay Rose."

I fought to speak through the sobs. My voice thick and hiccupy. "Cal, I think we should get married as soon as possible."

He tensed and pushed me away from him looking down into my eyes. I looked up at him and tried to hide the pain that letting go of Jack caused. Cal looked unsure at first but he finally nodded without smiling.

"I will make the arrangements tomorrow. Is something small and quiet okay?"

"Yes, I think thats best. Everyone but mother will understand, especially considering everything that has happened, I suppose."

"Do you want your mother to know about the baby?"

"Might as well tell her. She will find out soon anyways."

He nodded and didn't say anything more. I didn't think I would ever fall back asleep but I must have because I woke up to an empty bed with the sun streaming through my bedroom window. No sooner had I come back from my morning visit to the bathroom did my mother storm into my room. I sighed and waited for her wrath to begin.

It lasted for almost an hour. From what I could gather Cal hadn't told her about the question of paternity. She would have been a lot worse I suspect. Finally when she had exhausted herself she helped me dress and told me we were going shopping. If I was insisting on getting married in three short days she was going to make sure I looked proper and have some kind of a wedding dress. I started to protest but she scowled at me and I knew that it would be useless to resist.

Three days and I would be Mrs Caledon Hockley. Thinking about it started to make me panic. I concentrated on the layers of lace and satin my mother was forcing me to try on instead of my impending nuptials. I let her pick the dress, I didn't really care. Thankfully she choose one of the more simple but elegant dresses I had tried on. I wouldn't tell her but it had been my favorite of the bunch. After buying the dress, shoes and all the undergarments mother led me to busy cafe where we had finger sandwiches and tea. I ate cautiously waiting for the nausea to hit, thankfully it never did but I only ate a little bit not wanting to tempt fate.

The next three days sped by. Cal said we would be married in the garden with only our families and a few very close friends. Unfortunately, there would be no honeymoon. Cal couldn't be away from work and things were still awkward between us so it didn't matter to me.


	9. Chapter 9

**Cal**

I hadn't gotten much sleep since Rose and I had found out she was expecting a baby. A baby I had initially be excited about. That is until Rose told me about her time with HIM. The thought of MY Rose with someone else drove me mad. She had tried to hide it but I could tell there was a large part of her hoping this baby was Jack's. Something of his she could hold on to now that he was gone. This angered and hurt me. Although I sensed her sincerity when she said she also hoped the baby was mine. I was too angry at the time and didn't really listen when she said it. Too blinded by her admittance that she did hope the baby was HIS.

I was hurt even more when she hesitated after I told her I loved her and wanted to marry her. I thought I had built her trust and we had been developing a friendship. When she asked how I would feel if this baby turned out to be HIS and not mine I couldn't answer. I honestly didn't know how I would feel. We never got to finish the conversation because she had gotten sick. I needed space and time to think. I left for work before she came back from the bathroom. I worked longer hours and made sure I left before she woke in the morning. It was probably cowardly of me but I didn't care.

The more I avoided her the more restless her sleep became and the more she talked. I stayed awake at night listening to her. She said his name a lot but they were in phrases that made me wish I could be inside her head watching her dreams. She said things like " _Jack please don't be sad." "Let me go, please." "Jack, I love him." "Goodbye, Jack" "Jack, can't you see how happy I am?"_ I wished she was telling him goodbye for me. That she was finally letting go of his memory and willing to let me to be the man she loved. But I couldn't allow myself to think it possible, my pride was too strong.

I had been watching Rose sleep so long now I recognized the signs of that her dreams were turning towards the worst. Reluctantly, I slid my arms around her and held her to me. Burying my nose in her hair. She woke crying quietly but it quickly turned into heartbreaking sobs. I tightened my arms around her. When she told me she thought we should be married as soon as possible I was surprised. After our initial conversation I figured she would never agree to it, not until at least she gave birth and we could see who the father was. Maybe not even then. I stared into her eyes searching for the truth, searching for why she was agreeing. She was trying hard to hide it from me but her sleep talking had clued me in to her emotional state and I could see the pain hiding. She was hurt because by marrying me she had to let go of HIM. I worked hard to hide my own hurt and anger. Not trusting my voice I simply nodded. Something else flashed in her eyes before she closed them and again I felt a surge of hope race through my body. I agreed to make the arrangements as soon as possible and we agreed her mother should be informed of the baby. I thought it best not to tell Ruth about the possibility that HE might be the father. Nobody but Rose and I needed to know that.

Rose became more closed off the closer we got to the wedding. I would watch from the house as she walked the gardens and then sit for hours staring unseeing into the distance. I had initially planned to take her on a short honeymoon trip to Santa Monica. But she was so distant, not that I was any better but the more she closed herself off the more I did the same and the thought of spending what should be a happy honeymoon with someone who barely talked or looked at me didn't appeal to me. So I told her I couldn't get away from work.

I assumed that it was the reality that she was being forced to marry me that was causing her attitude and anger clouded my every thought. The night before the wedding I laid beside her in bed and wondered if I should call it off. If this child turned out to not be mine I wasn't sure if I could treat it as my own. Could I love it and present it to the world with all the adoration I would if it were my own flesh and blood? I went back and forth all night not knowing what the right answer was. As usual Rose was restlessly chatting away in her sleep. She kept repeating a phrase I didn't understand.

"Cal, stay my Cal."

I could tell she wasn't asking me not to leave. It was something else but I didn't understand. I had resolved to call off the wedding as soon as I got up in the morning when Rose said something that kick started my heart.

"Cal, I love you."

I stared down at her sleeping face, it was relaxed and the corners of her lips were upturned, smiling in her sleep. I gently traced her jaw with my finger she instinctively moved towards my touch. I leaned towards her and softly kissed her lips. She sighed contentedly in her sleep. Nothing could make me cancel the wedding at that point.

The next day was a flurry of activity around the house as food and decorations were prepared. Ruth kept Rose locked away with an army of maids preparing her for our wedding. At noon I was standing in the garden beside the minister watching Rose, escorted by Ruth, walk towards me. She was so breathtakingly beautiful. I smiled at her and my heart filled when I saw her cheeks blush and she smiled back at me. The ceremony was over quickly and then we were pronounced Man and wife in front of our family and close friends. I kissed her chastely on the lips and then we led everyone into the house for an extravagant luncheon. After the lunch was finished the guests left slowly. Ruth was the last to leave, kissing her daughter on the cheek. Rose allowed her mother to hug her briefly and then finally she left us alone.

Rose and I stood in awkward silence. I grabbed her hand and pulled her to me. I kissed her forehead and wrapped my arms around her. She snuggled into my chest.

"That went rather well, I think."

Rose nodded. "You did a good job with everything."

"I am glad you liked it."

"Cal?"

"Hmm?"

"Can we change out of these clothes into something more comfy. My corset is so tight."

I laughed. I had been counting the minutes until I could get out of tux. "Lets go"

I led her up the stairs to what would now become our bedroom. During the ceremony and lunch I had the maids move her belongings into the new room. She stopped in the doorway letting go of my hand. I turned to look at her, she was looking around the room with curiosity. I watched her as she walked to each piece of art on the wall and then finally she walked to the bed running her hand over the dark blue blanket.

"Is this okay?"

"Its perfect." She smiled at me.

"The paintings?"

"You have better taste in art that I gave you credit for."

I laughed loudly and hugged her to me. I showed her to the wardrobe that now held her clothing and then went to my own to change out of the tux. I had managed to get my shirt off and hung up when I looked over and saw Rose struggling with the ties on her corset. I silently went to her.

"May I?" I asked pulling at one of the strings.

She nodded silently her eyes moving from mine down to my bare chest. I slowly loosened the corset helping her slide it off. I was about to turn and walk back to my wardrobe when her hand gently pulled my arm towards her. She was practically naked in front of me. Her hands went to my chest lightly caressing each rib. I watched her hands and felt the same electric shocks I had during our first night together. Rose looked up into my eyes. I grabbed her head in my hands and pulled her to me softly placing my lips on hers.

My hands skillfully released her long beautiful hair from the intricate up do she had worn for our wedding. She groaned in pleasure at the loosening of her hair. I smiled against her lips. My hands slipped between the thin sheer fabric that clung to her body. She jolted when my hand touched her bare skin. She sucked and nibbled at my bottom lip, willingly opening her mouth when my tongue flicked at her lips. Our tongues danced together as my hands explored her body. Her hands fumbled with the clasp of my pants. I moved my hands from her smooth skin and undid my pants sliding them off along with my underwear and stepped out of them. I removed what little clothing she had left. She started kissing down my jaw line and lightly sucking my neck just below my ear which sent an electric current through my body. I picked her up wrapping her legs around my waist and carried her to our bed. I sat down on the edge of the bed with her on my lap facing me. My hands massaging her back my mouth finding her hardened nipple. She started squirming delightfully when I sucked at her nipple. My hand caressed her other breast, teasingly pinching her other nipple. Her body was so beautiful and responsive to my touch. I could almost have just done this all day long. Kissing and teasing her to watch her body react.

I laid back on the bed taking her with me. She hungrily claimed my lips with her own. Our tongues once again dancing. Our kisses were becoming deeper, faster, erratic. I could feel the proof of my desire pressing against her stomach. I rolled us over so that I was looking down at her beautiful face. Her eyes filled with all the desire that I knew was mirrored in my own. I needed to know it was me she was here with.

"Rose, I love you."

She blushed. I kissed her lips roughly.

"Cal…"

Her arms wrapped around me pulling me to her. She wrapped her legs around me again and I slid myself deep into her. I groaned as I felt myself disappear inside her tight depths. Her fingers buried in my hair pulled my lips down to hers as our hips slowly thrust back and forth. My body responded to hers just as much as she did to mine. Her kisses sparked a fire inside me, her ragged breath excited me and her moans of passion nearly unhinged me. Her body spasmed around me and my thrusting become hurried as I felt every thing this woman made me feel building until I couldn't hold it back any more and it flowed out of me and her body greedily accepted it.

Much like our first time we laid with our limbs intertwined until our bodies recovered. Her fingers traced the line of my jaw lightly. Then down my throat and finally resting on my chest. She looked up into my eyes, I smiled at her.

"Cal, I love you."

My heart leaped. "I love you, I always have."

We stayed in bed most of the day alternating between making love and just holding each other. This was the best day of my existence.


	10. Chapter 10

**Rose**

Letting go of Jack was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do, but in the end I didn't regretted it. I was a nervous wreck the night before the wedding. I guess you could say I had a massive case of cold feet. I wanted to tell Cal I couldn't do it. I knew it would hurt him and he would be even more angry with me. He was already so distant and withdrawn from me. I didn't think that could get much worse. I had started to tell him several times but always chickened out.

The morning of the wedding Cal was already gone when my mother, along with her team of maids barged into my room and pulled me from the bed. I was too nervous and nauseous to eat anything before the wedding. Which was just as well, anything I ate in the morning usually came right back up. I had recently adopted a no eating before noon policy, it helped me keep the morning sickness under control. Although, I almost had to run for the bathroom when I was laced into my corset. The tightness caused my stomach to heave dangerously. When the time came for my mother to walk me down the aisle I had to fight the urge to turn and run out of the house. The minute I looked up into Cal's eyes and he smiled at me, truly smiled his beautiful bright smile, all of my doubts and nerves melted away. I almost dragged my mother down the aisle to get to him faster.

All the tension and anger between us seemed to disappear as we made our vows to love each other for the rest of our lives. I realized a few days later that I hadn't had a single thought of Jack since the night before my wedding. Which made me a little sad, I felt like I was betraying Jack in a way. But I knew he wanted me to go on with my life, to live and be happy. I never would have guessed Cal would play a part in that happiness or my future. I was happy, very happy. Cal was allowing me the freedom to be myself and wanted to be a part of whatever activities I decided interested me. Whether it be to travel aimlessly around the world or to learn to fly a plane. Cal was my biggest encourager, even suggesting a few things we could try.

Cal still worked long hours but he started coming home earlier so that we could have dinner together. Our appetites for each other were insatiable and our nights were always spent expressing our love and desire for the other. The morning sickness continued but towards the end of my second month it became a little more bearable.

About a week after our one month wedding anniversary Cal came home and sat me down in the library.

"I have to go to London for work. I tried to convince father to go but he says his health wont allow such a long trip."

"How long will you have to be gone?"

"It will be about a month. I can't bare to spend even one night away from you. Which is why you are to come with me. We will go a week ahead of time and it could be a honeymoon we never got to have. If you want to go that is?"

"Traveling aboard a ship again." I shuddered

Pulling me too him he spoke gently. "You don't have to go. I know how hard it would be to take the journey across the atlantic again."

"Cal even if I wanted to stay here while you go away for a whole month, which I don't, I couldn't let you go without me. I couldn't bare it if something happened and I wasn't there with you."

"We will do this together."

I nodded and rested my head against his chest. "At least this time I won't have to deal with Mother."

He chuckled. "We are married and have no need for a chaperone."

A week later we were boarding a massive ocean liner. My hands shook as we entered the ship. I firmly clutched Cal's arm. He placed his hand over mine and tried to reassure me with a smile but I saw the hint of panic in his eyes too. I gave him a small smile and nodded my head to tell him I was okay. He led me to the cabin where our maid and valet were already unpacking clothes and getting the large suite ready for us. Like on the Titanic we had our own private deck. While Cal was giving his valet instructions, I went out onto the deck and stood looking out at the water. It looked so peaceful and calm. Cal silently wrapped his arms around me. I fit perfectly against his chest. We both stood looking out at the water for several minutes. Together we had a strength that would allow us to face this journey.

"We will be okay, Rose. It will be an uneventful sailing." He sounded like he was trying to reassure himself just as much as he was me.

"So long as you are by my side I can face whatever happens."

The first night aboard the ship was hard on both of us. We had a hard time falling asleep. Too afraid that something would happen and we wouldn't wake up in time. Eventually, I couldn't stay awake any longer. I blamed the pregnancy as I was always exhausted by the end of the day. I woke up a few hours later with Cal clinging to me. We were both trembling. I turned to face him softly kissing his lips and tracing his jaw line with my finger tips. We became distracted after that, letting passion and desire take over our minds and bodies. I marveled at how completely my body reacted to every touch from Cal. We fit together perfectly, as if we had been made exclusively for each other.

The rest of the trip went smoothly much to our relief. It got a little overwhelming when we had to participate in lifeboat drills but we were allowed to stay together and that helped. Back at home Mother was doing what she did best, gossiping. She was in charge of announcing our pregnancy. Cal had instructed her to say it had happened on the wedding night which meant I was a month farther along than anyone knew but he had decided that I wouldn't give birth in Philadelphia. Shortly before my time we would leave for California with the story that Cal had to be there for an extended stay for work. Of course he wouldn't want to leave me behind so close to my due date so I would have to go with him. After a few months we would come back and nobody would really be able to tell if the baby was a little older than it should be.

The ship docked at Southhampton. We readily disembarked and took the train into London. Cal had rented a beautiful English manor with a large garden for our stay. While the Valet and maid once again got us settled into the house, Cal took me on a drive. I had always loved London and enjoyed the English countryside. We had dinner at a nice restaurant before heading home. Our honeymoon week sped by too fast and then Cal had to start work. While Cal was at work I walked the gardens, read in the study or went shopping. I made a couple of friends and we would meet a couple of times a week for brunch or tea. I spent my nights with Cal, we talked about his work and he listened happily when I offered up suggestions for some issue he was trying to fix. He started seeking my advice more and would tell me if my idea had worked or if it didn't we would brainstorm together to find another possible solution.

After discussing his day we would have a romantic candlelit dinner, just the two of us. Occasionally duty would demand we dine out with a client or a work colleague. We both dreaded losing our alone time when we had to entertain others but thankfully those occasions didn't happen too often.

Our time in London was wonderful but it passed so quickly and before we knew it, it was time to head back. About a week before we were to head home Cal received word that his father had passed away. I expected him to want to head home immediately but we didn't. When I asked him why, he told me his father would have been angry if he left before he finished the project he was working on. He felt the best way to honor his father was to stay and complete the job. I think the fact that Cal and his father had a volatile relationship also had a little to do with it. Cal was more relieved than sad.


	11. Chapter 11

**Cal**

When the news of my father's passing arrived I felt free for the first time in my life. He had been an unkind, hard, difficult man for as long as I could remember. He was physically and verbally abusive to my mother and I. I couldn't find one part of me that was actually sad. All I felt was relief. Now, I could run the company and my life the way I wanted without fear of my father's revengeful wrath or threats.

The time Rose and I had spent in London had further blossomed our relationship. Now in her third month of pregnancy I began to notice Rose's usually firm flat stomach had started to become fuller, which at the moment was only noticeable when she lay naked beside me in bed. The fullness made her figure even more attractive. The spot where our child grew was hard and I loved to caress the small bump as we lay together in bed at night.

The journey home was not as stressful. We were still a little nervous of course but thankfully it went just as smoothly as the trip to England had. When we returned home there was no time to rest. There was a funeral to attend and social engagements that where we were required to put in an appearance. The next few months were a buzz of activity as I fully took control of the company. Rose played her part at every party but I could tell she was restless and unhappy. This was the life she had been so desperately trying to run from when we were on Titanic. I needed to show her that I understood and that I would do my best to fulfill her needs and desires.

I surprised her with a weekend trip to New Castle, Pennsylvania. We went to Cascade amusement park. She couldn't ride the roller coaster but we rode a couple of the other rides and enjoyed each others company like a regular couple without any responsibilities. Rose laughed and smiled so much during our trip. I made a promise that we would schedule these little trips at least once a month after the baby was born.

Rose was eight months into her pregnancy when we left for California. The trip was hard on her but in order to stick with our story we both knew we had to go. We hadn't talked about the possibility that I wasn't the father or what that would mean since the day we found out Rose was expecting. I still didn't know how I would react if the baby wasn't mine. I didn't know if I could love it and accept it. If I could just remember that half the baby was made up from Rose. If I could see her in it maybe that would help. But if the baby looked just like Jack, I didn't know if I would be able to accept it as my own. I wondered if Rose ever thought about any of this. Did some part of her still wish that Jack was the babies father? The thought that she could possibly be wishing for that almost sent me into a rage.

The baby came two weeks late. I stood helplessly outside the bedroom door listening to Rose's cries of pain. I wanted to be in there holding her hand, helping her through this but it wasn't proper. So I sat on the floor with my head in my hands outside the door. Hours passed and still no baby. My head whipped up when I heard a baby cry. I stood up waiting impatiently for the doctor to open the door and let me go to Rose. The door opened finally. I looked passed the doctor and saw Rose her hair wet from sweat holding a tiny little baby wrapped in a blanket.

"Congratulations, you have a healthy son."

I grinned at the doctor and rushed past him to get to Rose. She was so engrossed in the baby that I didn't think she saw me approach. She was talking to the baby softly. I looked down at the babies face. He had Rose's mouth and nose. He was the most beautiful baby I had ever seen in my life. I think I fell in love with him instantly not caring who his father was. Rose looked up into my eyes. Tears slipping down her cheeks. I started to worry, was she in pain? Why was she sad? I looked down at the baby and then back at Rose. I felt a stab at my heart. Did she know who the father of the baby was? Was it me? Was she upset that her last hope of having something of Jack was gone? I tried to push away the hurt.

"Cal."

I looked down at the baby in her arms. Slowly she pushed the blanket off the babies head exposing a head full of dark hair. It was the same exact color as my own. And he had my ears. I had a son. Rose and I had created this beautiful sweet creature.

"Cal, we have a son."

Slowly, reluctantly, I tore my eyes from my sons face to look at Rose's. Waiting to see the disappointment in her eyes. But she was smiling, her eyes full of love and happiness. Tears filled my eyes. I leaned down and kissed the top of her head.

"I love you Rose!"

"I love you too."

We named our son Nicholas Caledon Hockley. He was the first of four children. We had three boys when Rose announced she was finished having babies. Our youngest son was thirteen when we were surprised with the pregnancy of our daughter. The labor was difficult and I almost lost Rose. The doctor saved her but told us Rose would not be able to have anymore children. That didn't matter to either of us. We had four beautiful children and each other, we didn't need anything more.


	12. Chapter 12

**Rose**

When Cal's father died Cal's personality came alive. He was more openly loving and happy. He smiled and laughed more in those first few weeks than I had seen him during the whole time I had known him. Jack had awakened something inside me and helped me to shrug off the chains that had been holding me back from being who I was and needed to be. Cal's father's death had the same affect on him. That is not to say I never saw the cruel side of Cal again. I only saw it a few more times during our long lives together. Thankfully, it was only directed at me a couple of times. The worst was just before our second son was born. I told Cal I wanted to name the baby Jack if it were a boy. I wasn't prepared for the explosive anger he directed at me. He came toward me and I flinched. He stopped a few feet from me glaring at me with such intense anger and though he tried to hide it, I knew him like I knew myself by now, I saw the pain flicker briefly in his eyes. We didn't talk for a week and it was one of the worst weeks of my life. I relented and our son was named Thomas.

Our three sons were born in quick succession. Each separated by less than two years. Nicholas was our first in January 1913, Thomas in February 1914 and Henry in May 1915. After Henry, I told Cal I was done having babies. I wanted my body back. Plus keeping up with the three active and precocious boys was exhausting. I wanted to pursue my own hobbies. For his part Cal always supported my current interests. When I decided I wanted to write he kept me supplied in ink and paper. He would even take the boys out for a drive whenever he could after work, to give me a little peace and quiet. Then when I decided I wanted to paint, Cal bought me an endless supply of canvasses and paints. He was always supportive and happy with whatever made me happy.

We raised our boys much differently than we had been raised. They were less restricted, allowed to play and get dirty. Mother didn't approve and thought Cal and I were raising future criminals. She and I argued endlessly about my indulgence of the boys behavior. Cal always took my side and infuriated mother when he laughed off her declarations that we were raising hooligans.

When world war I hit and the United States became involved Cal didn't put up a bit of resistance when I informed him I wanted to go to work with the other woman in the factories. He hired an extra nurse-maid to watch the boys and he drove me to work each morning. When mother found out I thought she was going to have a conniption fit. Cal stepped in the middle of that rather heated argument informing my mother that he approved of my employment and he would not hear another word from her against it.

In early 1928 we were surprised to find out I was going to have another baby. Our youngest, Henry, was thirteen and we thought our family was complete. This pregnancy was much different than my others. I was sick almost the whole time and so easily exhausted. Doctors put me on bedrest when I was six months into the pregnancy. The labor was long and difficult. Cal refused to be kept away. He stayed by my side constantly using a cold wet cloth to wipe away the sweat from face. He whispered words of love and encouragement when I begged for it to be over. Finally in the early hours of that cold December morning our little Charlotte Rose was born. She was the spitting image of her father with one exception, she would have my blue eyes, which beautifully contrasted with her dark hair.

After the labor I remember feeling so tired and I tried to fight it. I wanted to hold Charlotte and just stare into her beautiful face. The pull was too strong and finally unable to fight it any longer I gave in. Jack was there with me telling me to be strong and not give up. Making me promise over and over to not let go. He showed me the faces of my children and finally he showed me Cal who looked at me with pure unbridled love. I reached for him but he was too far away. I called to him wanted desperately to be in his arms. The more I tried to reach him the farther he seemed to get. I turned to look at Jack. He gave me a look of sadness.

 _"_ _You are letting go Rose. Fight!"_

 _"_ _I tried but he went away."_

 _"_ _He didn't move Rose, it was you. Now fight dammit! I didn't save your life to watch you just give up!"_

I started trying to fight against the overwhelming pull towards the darkness behind Jack and I. The more I fought the farther away Jack got. I turned back to look at him and finally he smiled at me. I smiled back.

" _I am proud of you Rose. Your life is everything I had hoped it would be. And Rose?"_

 _"_ _Yes?"_

 _"_ _Cal really is a wonderful man after all."_

And then Jack was gone. The next voice I heard was Cal's. I opened my eyes and smiled up at him. He kissed my forehead and sighed in relief.

The rest of our lives were filled love and laughter. Times weren't always easy but just like what happened after the sinking of the Titanic we survived everything together. Cal and I watched our children grow into happy loving adults. They gave us sixteen grandchildren that we spoiled. Our last moments on earth were spent wrapped in each others arms.


End file.
